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Interview with David Letterman

Yeth, hello, good thitithenth, and welcome to the Life of Bwian...er...Nerk page, your thourth for the betht in technological accthethories for the twenty-firtht thentury. I, of courth, am your friend Bigguth Dickuth, high commander of the crack legionth in Rome, and a damned good tennith player. I have been athked to introduth thith page thimply becauth they needed thomeone who commandth rethpect, and thereth nothing that commandth rethpect like a Dickuth. The name of Dickuth hath been known and rethpected thinth the dayth of Juliuth Theathar, with great men like Harry Dickuth, Littluth Dickuth, and Dickuth Dickuth paving the way for the Dickutheth of tomorrow. We are well known for our military proweth -- "You can't beat a Dickuth," they thay, and --

Letterman: Warm round everybody! A warm round for Nerk. Ner...Nerk! Come out here!

Nerkberk stealth's onto the stage cautiously eyeing the well-hyped crowd on hand for the show. Nodding to Dave he makes his way to the chairs, giving a large wave to the cheering spectators. Dave puts out his hand...figits a bit...and then retracts, Nerkberk doesn't respond.

Letterman: Nerk, you finally made it! I can tell you we had one heck of a time getting you here. I heard you were in the city so I sent our scout to prowl, and here you are.

Nerk lean's ahead, start's to remove his velvet sequined jacket, decides not to, leans back and says...

Nerkberk: Well I guess thanks Dave. Came into the city for a little R and R. Staying down by the park...No, you didn't ask where I was staying so OK I won't answer that question at this moment. Sits back in the chair and kinda eyes the band

Letterman: Besides the R and R what really brought you back to the city this time Nerk? My golly it must be what, er.., year..maybe year and a half since your last release. You're not in town to pull another slippery-doo-dah like you did last time?

Nerkberk: No Craig....er...Dave, not this time. Cavorting with lady disaster never did quite make the grade, you know I mean. Together the two would have made a fine duo, but now with just the one it's not a plausible mix. And you're absolutely right-on. They should never have allowed it to progress to this stage in the last place. White with rage we all well are I'll manage.

Camera 1 pans to the audience and then back to focus on on the pair, while camera 2 hones in on David

My TT Just Back From the Cleaners

Letterman: But, you could have avoided all that bad press back then eh Nerk? The consumate professional you are...Heh ..Heh...

Nerkberk: No Johnny...er....Dave, not that one. Those things just have a way of going for it...digging in and doing it with every fibre of strength you got to you body. And there's never the time to even think about Deo-Door-Aunt at times like that. You muster up and mussel down. Only those choices. And rightly so. If there ever was a time, then that'd be the time I render. 'Cause that was yesterday and yesterday's gone..hums kinda quietlike to himself, lost in thought. Nerkberk makes a gesture to get up. David keeps smiling at the camera's, jumps in, attempts to diffuse the situation. The director quickly motions to cut to commercial...David motions NO and the camera's continue to roll...

Letterman: Sooo Nerk...sources tell me you're building a new one over in the Catskills...er..how's that coming? How far are you into the projct anyway, if I can refer to it as a project that is.

My 911 on Display

Nerkberk: No Jay...er....Dave, I wouldn't refer to it as a project per se. More like being lost on the Serengeti in N Tanzania with the sand driving up your nostrils. Those face covers don't work that well and I can give a voucher for that. But, the locals will buy the guns and ammo, so the trek wasn't too all in vain as you are. Dave gives that deer-in-the-headlights look towards the floor director...Nerkberk continues on...

Nerkberk: Sure it's a large world now, but times are changing and we all know that a hard rain's a-gonna fall. That would be blonde drops falling on blonde, if you know what I mean Jay...Johnny...Craig....Conan....Dave. If you don't mind my asking Dave, how do you guys all keep your names straight? Just boggles my brain. Then there's NBC....ABC....CBS....XYZ....CNBC....MSNBC....BBS....SBB....JPF....PFJ...all adding to the coldfusion may be but months away! And if you think YOU'RE stressed just try desserts. Desserts=stressed see it? Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean to say is...Let me make you a present of song, as the wise man breaks wind and is gone. While the fool with the hour-glass is cooking his goose and the nursery rhyme winds along...

Letterman: OK..OK..Now I don't get the point Nerk. You sit there and would have me believe that you weren't even involved in the plot, that those around you were acting on their own? No direction home? Like a complete unknown? You really got me now Nerk!!

My Daughter Making Off With My Boxster

Nerkberk: Well, eventually it all comes to the surface doesn't it Yhudhi...er...Dave! You can clearly see now when this idea was originally proposed why it was met with such perplexity and pourquoi-ness. Servitude never entered the equation, and I sure don't understand why you'd suggest it ever did! See? Deja vu! A plan goes bad and the precarious perpetrators presume possible pronouncements could preempt permanent paramountability. Weally Dave, you should be stwuck with widicule and wemotth. Wodewick and Woger are both wapists and wobbers, notowious cwiminals and belong in pwison! Yeth, good thitithenth's like that wowdy pair have much in commmon with you Dhavey... You curl your toes in fun as you smile at everyone. You meet the stares, you’re unaware that your doings are undone. I see you shuffle in the courtroom with your rings upon your fingers and your downy little sidies and your silver-buckle shoes. So! Where the hell was Bigguth when you needed him last Saturday?

Letterman: Nerk! Nerk! Now you of all people should know that the whereabouts of Bigguth really has nothing to do with your claim at all! And now you'll have me believe that Kryptonic Donnie and the Disturbo's were really the catalyst? Really Nerk!

Nerkberk: Well sorry to burst it on you Gypsy Davey, but I never did claim any functional ties with Tsukino Usagi Sailor Moon or Takeuchi Naoko! Now I may be klutzy and kute but I'm no fighter of evil! That's right! I'm a Krybaby and I might add that what you stated was a really Chibi Chibi shot! Lara does indeed live a very adventurous life but I'm a raider of the refrigerator, if you know what I mean! But, the dogs of society do howl and methinks I'll go back to my plow! Like a winestoned plowboy, getting kisses and hug from women I don't even know!

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